Saturday, August 24, 2013

Doctor's Quote, Layman's thought

Living problem is better than a dead solution

- Dr Jai Arora (via Dr. Rajashree's Whatsapp Status)

[19:45 a friday evening] happened to see a new status as I was about to take a nap, while I waited for a couple friends to wind up their work and continue catching up  .. . ..

So while I had my seat pulled back, trying to switch off from the noise of the evening rush hour made worse by a celebration at a nearby mutt went back almost automatically to once again read the few words that I saw. Not to understand, but just for once complete read

[19:50 - 20:12 the friday evening nap in my car]

It was all a cloud, the train of thoughts part from the time I drifted to sleep, bits from the vague conversations in my head and the rest pieces of what sense I could make of it.

Btw, I am not sure of the context with which the original quote was made, but sure it was an eye-opener for me towards my total discomfort for having problems around / little issues around me. 

A fight/tussle/a misunderstanding/ a mistake (especially from me) was something I could not comprehend or live it. It had to be resolved. In short, I could barely sleep till the time I had "solved" the problem. On one side, the ideal side good to be a person who puts an effort at not being an a****e in life. but where was I heading, what was the experience I was leaving the people around me with. In being the perfect person In not being the imperfect person that I am - damages that were being caused.

Over the past year(s), have had one of my friends (one of those whom I meet the most) say "You are not the same, like you were 2 years back"
Many who do meet on occasions do find me the same (Except for the little extra weight)
I not had a fight with my lawyer friend in like ages, maybe not having your late night foodie buddy around for years for a "midnight idly dosa" made the difference . . .
and last but not least my best friend the one who really almost never showed any anger (to put in other words, we'd resolve thing sin less than 30s)

But coming to it really had a question of why I used to let down some of my closest of close friends (at times). What were they missing from me .... The actual question "Why was I (why were we) not experiencing the joy of being who we are", and I mean, i we did not have a fight what was missing from my side that they did not get to express anger, if we did not have fun, which part of me were my friends missing

The answer to my questions lie not in solutions to be perfect, have perfect friendships, have perfect relationships .... but in being who we really are.

Where can be a expression of one's self and a experience of living where you do not take the liberty to be the person who you are. And, where one cannot experience being themselves, thinking of letting others be who they are really does sound far fetched

So where does this bring me :-
Back to the statements someone made some point of time, statements at various points of time, by various people, little advices, little angry statements which really hit me at some point of time.
Statements that I took personally as a reason to stop being who I am.
Statements that I took personally to be in a particular way.
Statements that I took personally to conduct myself in a particular way.
Statements that I took personally to make myself mean "There is something wrong in me"

Chill, Yes!! for starting another round of fixing myself is not what this is all about.

The statement above just brought me closer to who I am, neither perfect nor totally defunct. rather to accept the not and never will be perfect be.

Oh! and the "Statements that I took Personally" , they were said at some point of time, where they were valid, and with a commitment for me (say like pieces of advice).

I do have a choice to stick on and hold on to them,
I also do have a choice to be informed by it, and not governed by it.

And So ....
this is something i dedicate to all the people I am in communication with and who are in communication with me. (if we talk, message, mail, ping, fight, remember, each other - yes this one's for you)

While taking up responsibility of my actions and its consequences (including the experiences I left you with).. its me saying Thanks, Sorry, Hi5, etc .... its a pleasure STILL KNOWING YOU :-P