Sunday, November 30, 2008

Parental Advice


Some Advice to me from my parents . . . . .


(not so long ago . . .)
Dad :  Don't mix with girls, you will become shy like them . . .
(dad's Gyan to me, to stay away from my cousin sister(s) / girls ...)

(Long Long Long   ago . . . . . . . .)
Mom :  Phone ide ninge   (There's a call for u)
Me    :   Yarru ??  (Who??)
Mom :  Yavudo Chikka "Hudgi" . . .   (some very small/kid "Girl")
Me    :  , ....   ....   ....  HEY Rekha adu ....   ( My elder cousin sisters [mom's bro's daughter] had given the phone to their younger sibling ... knowing my mom better )


Meanwhile in my head (Bloody, you know all the girls much better than me ...   ....  ...   .... )
PS  : I hardly used to speak to anyone, except one cousin of mine . . . and moreover  mom would have spoken more in one conversation, than i would have done in all my school life ...


Mom  :  Look at Su*****h ,  look how free/open he is with everyone ... talk about studies ... bla bla bla
Me (in my mind)  :   HELLO !!!


Sometime Back  . . .

Mom   :  "Girl"
Me      :   SO !

Me (in my mind)  :  think think .... I know you are struggling where to start a conversation with this guy






@ Present

Mom :  She knows the kind of friends I have (do tell her about little little things .....  She does remember quite a lot what I have told her in the past .....   She is now slowly getting introduced to all the little characters,,,  earlier known as "friends" in all my narrations )



Dad   :   Who is this guy??   always stuck with friends friends friends!!!!


 

The Walk

It all started a little over a year back  . . . A walk at Lalbag


3 Buddies still kept it going . . . once in a while

Something which should have been routine, was still special . . .


A nice little break "From Life" ???
I don't think so . . . .


It was just like a cup of "Coffee"
Which just had each one of us refreshed



and I relived memories of morning from a year ago . . .

Thursday, November 27, 2008

I have a promise to keep . . .

You asked "Will you stick to your plan"

I Said "I will"

Something Unsaid :-
The Worst Way I can let you down/hurt you, is by "NOT Keeping a Commitment for MYSELF"
 
The Worst Way you can let me down/hurt me "Letting Circumstances/others run your Life"





I really have no clue, if I have conveyed what I wanted to say,
Let me put it this way . . .
You kill me each time you :-
Give up on something you want
Deny a Possibility for yourself






btw I had been a little nosey of late, 

I'm learning to walk . . .
I have my Crawls . . . Walks . . . . Falls
Will me a While Before I RUN
But Run I Will . . .  and will keep on Running






PS:  This is just directed at one particular person.
         Others please ignore. 

Healings . . .

First I request you to read 
   (1)  this    and   (2) this

Slightly Unrelated, but do have a look at  (3)   this
(did not fine a place to rant @ a few accquiantces of mine,  who tried his luck somewhere....     
To HIM/THEM :    If you are so DESPERATE,  get a clue where you should be trying your luck )

There are quite a few links if you go through (1) . . . one link to another to another


One pattern repeating ever and over and over...
A sense of Negativity (shame, guilt, horror, fear,  . . . . the list goes on)


There are several areas I know something can be done.
The most important fact i noticed :-
Years and Years after a Incident, I see suffering . . .


My dear Bloggers, (non Bloggers too)
Why do you have to Suffer for no fault of yours . . .
Memories stay,
Why dont you just leave behind the Stigma, Pain, Sufferings . . . .


Easier Said than Done . . . .
Btw i'll share my small tiny story . . . .

I was Blackmailed, hmmm!!! at least for 2 years
some random guy from school . . . . asked me if I Loved my parents, teachers . . . .
Of course YES!! I do

So, next couple of years went by like this :-
i'll go tell the Principal that you Love ......  ,  she will throw you out of school 
i'll go tell your mom that you Love . . . . . , She will throw you out of your house . . .

Silly i know, But i was really freaked out
btw this started during my 4th - 5th Standard....
This guy was not my senior,  But same as standard/grade as mine, who lived near my Home . . .
So not just torture in the School Van, but during vacations, holidays also . . .


And Today in my mid 20's (eeek!!! i'm getting older)
I am learning What Relationships are . . .  And the most Basic ones
Friendships, Trust ... etc
And i'm Damn Bloody Confused . . .  (actually much much better compared to last week, he he he)


A BIG HUG , and a thanks from the bottom of my heart to a very Patient, Nice, Forgiving, Trusting, Loving friend of mine . . . . 
A Sorry to a Friend, to whom I had become a Pain in the A** with my nonsense . . .


BACK TO THE POST . . . .
So i set about thinking of Probable "solutions" "way out's" to end all the sufferings involved . . .

I set about thinking of solutions like "Forgiveness",  "Making them pay" etc etc  . . . .


I am currently trying out :-
"Acceptance"       "Self Acceptance"




A Little Clue for my School Mates :-
This person used to stick his finger in his Butt and present it other Noses  . . .

I "TOOK CARE" of a Voyeur /Peeping Tom
I just ignored a incident with a 80 -85 year old gay man, I meet on the street  . . .
And in a way , this Blackmailer, did leave me Stronger in a way . . .



So What was I saying . . .
"Acceptance"    "Self Acceptance"

Whatever Happened to you, Happened. . . 
You are still the same Person , accept yourself. . . .



There is a Part of me that I find Disgusting . . . .
A relative/person I cannot AVOID . . . Is disgusting
Has done things like throwing condoms into the bathroom where someone is having a bath . . .
Finally married her, but did so by Printing and distributing Wedding Cards, without permission . . .
Caught him flashing to the House maid. . . 
*** : Don't expect me to believe you saying " I'm Impotent " 
His wife has found a Diary where he has a journal of his "Deeds" . . .

Most of the above secrets . . . Is in no way comforting . . .




I am a Mess Who (now) has a little clue as to what Life is, what relationships are, what love is, what are the forms of love . . . 



The "Ethics" Part . . . .
The relative of mine.... will stay in close proximity till his death . . .
How can I ever Conciously get anyone into the Mess surrounding my life . . . .



Do you find ..... That I have to  " Accept Myself, The way I am "
TO have any Possibilty for Myself in this Life . . .

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Love

Love is a function of acceptance . . .


The Best Definition Ever.


Wednesday, November 05, 2008

:-) :-) :)

I will be attending a wedding of a cousin whom I have only heard of. . .


Going there uninvited, actually I'm taking my mom who wants to go

 
One such visit , may do nothing much for a broken relationship. But I am both Proud and Happy for her taking the first step.  (btw my mom is not expecting anything in return,,,  one main reason i am supporting her)


BTW.... I will be Driving through the Western Ghats with a Camera in my Hand.... 
So So So . . . . . 
Excited about Click Click Click ;)

Latest Hi Tec Gadhe Matu

Kathilli Phone sikskondu,
OORELLA Missed call Kotranthe . . . .



This post is dedicated to all the people who speak over their cell phone while searching when they find its missing from their pocket....   Or hold it/hang it over their neck   ..... & start searching for it

Enjoy Madi

Enjoy Madi
(click on link above)

Reading all the comments for "Enjoy Madi".....  Hmm!! Whats d Big deal, Bloody even i use it once in a while.... Oh!!! btw i have seen people getting MORE irritated for something else that i do.

Me & one of my best friends call each other as "Maga", Its just too easy (comfortable) than using our names...

I know "Maga" means SON/MY KID.

But "Maga" in slang, at least for me has a different meaning,
  • It has love in it  ( you don't call someone u hate as maga  ....  parents do love their children  .... Logic Understand Madi   a.k.a  Dhayavittu Artha Madkoli   )
  • Its generally used with someone you consider as a EQUAL to you.
Well, its the EQUAL (ok a combination of Equal, Someone Close, Friend etc etc....  its just what i feel & i have no reason to dissect and find out what exactly i feel)


I Missed Something,
I Call HER maga, & SHE calls me maga
 . . . . . . . .    & people go Arrrrrrrgh!!! on her side of the phone, & I give that "What Happened??" look the people on my side.


Maga, Maccha, Bob  ( used by me, once in a while - courtesy WhenCutDeep), dude, sir    . . .  etc

In what "context" do we/YOU use these names  ??
Think about all the lovely people in your life  & Smile :-)