For the one who wonders why he is ignored. . . .

A walk, a run, a mile, a race. Whatever you call it like. A journey it is, A journey of choice.
A journey it is all that we make, A journey it is common to us all,
A journey nothing but a travel through life.

A journey has its joys, A journey has its sprains. A moment or in whole labelled by a choice.
A choice I say it is for it either can be one. It can be the either one, for it is what I choose to say.

The choice in the journey is not just a point in space, it is what defines the journey you just made.

Choices Choices Choices, Thinking of a man to choose what I can call him as.
A choice to label you as. A person not to be, or an example of what not to be.
But where was my lesson of what to be and be and example for others to be.

You ask me as to why you get ignored by me. But are you really worth my time.
Are you really keen for change.

My lessons expect respect for you, A lesson am ready to let go for a place in hell.

Why this pain, why this say. A question many more you may seek.
A question many you seek, but never stand in a place and say I caused this.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

These are a few words for whom I care a rat's ass for. I have my reasons to hate him, reasons for him to just wither and die. With a disgust of to just know you, feel a burn in even a hear of a name.

You did what you did, none of which I approve of. None of which I even wanted to know.

I've head you say, sounds that make me wish never was I born.
But really what is you are out to do, Are these things a human would ever do.
There are men far worse, but you shame my name.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Life is a journey of choices I said . . .

Can really I make a choice for a chance. A forgiveness and a chance, but is he willing I stop to ask

A chance to take

I see the choices I chose not to take. A coward have I been - not to take a stand, a stand for people twice my height.

A chance I have to set things right.

A chance for which am I really too late.

A journey through choices, where I share a thought whether to give a chance.

A journey through choices where I can choose to set things right

For choices waiting to be made for a when where and how

Those Things

1. Those Funny Stunts.
2. @ Break neck speed
3. With he Wind in my Face.
4. & The pain of Rain hitting my face.
5. To the Morning Walks,
6. Photographs.
7. PJ's
8. & Classes
9. with Laughs
10. n Meeting that sweet smile
11. To Dreams,
12. Aims,
13. Memories,
14. Achievements
15. . . .

And so life moves on

PS: I am really in the mood for a comeback

The Plan That's Got to Wait . . . .

I had a Nice Simple Plan

But Some have it bigger

I Don't mind it bigger, but it has something missing (the most important bit that i wanted to include)

There's another year. Another Time

Just Start Out Early, Before someone does...

OR

Just convince a few people this year ...

Birthday Season

Its that time of the year where Birthdays are celebrated back to back  . . . .

Just yesterday was WhenCUTdeep's 

With mine approaching, i just wish i get to spend some time with my closest pals...

And a few memories to go with it. . .

The Mid 20 Crisis . . .

^^Phone Rings^^

Ah!! a US number,  i'll be talking to someone (whom i haven't spoken to in a while).. Whose's Number is this ..

Me :  Hello

Ab :   Maccha!! XP CD key idhya . . . .  Boot Camp **** , VmWare  Bla bla bla

Me/Ab  :   SO!! Whazzup!!

Ab :  Gotaitha ***** got married, btw  ***** Gotha ninge

Me : Gotaitho, Orkut ide alwa  .... The girl is *** alwa

Just a tiny thought which got spawn'ed, which led to a small discussion

Nothing Much ....

Just a little "Common" things with all the "couples" who tied the knot

• They knew their guy/girl for over 6 years (almost a decade in some cases)

========+++++++++++++++=================++++++++++++==========

A few highlits of the "Discussion"

• Nodu maga nanu iddini,  inyenu 25 aithu nange (look @ me dude i'm almost 25 now)
  
• Maga these guys had a lot of "planning"     "Exexution time"
• ad yella bido, innu yaru sikkilvo (leave all that,  haven't found anyone .... all that will come later ... planning etc)
• dude, you find someone.....  then there's still all the time that one has to put in ..... Simple mathematical  calculation......    Start now , and after that atleast 5-6 years... DOES NOT LOOK GOOD
• Hey *****, modhlu yaradhru Sikbeko   (hey u have to find some one first, that think of all the other things)

This just a conversation between "Two Single Guys, in the middle of their Mid 20 Crisis" . . .

==================================================================

PS  :  This was just a NONsense conversation, to look back at and have a laugh @ our not so perfect lives . . .

A piece of "Infinite Wisdom"

• People (parents or even the guy/girl whom u like) may not have a clue of what could be "possible"
• If this is "possible"
• OR, they might have several doubts, questions, fears  etc etc etc . . .

So What do you call THIS - showing that "Something is Possible"

Some call it Fair, some call it Manipulation  . . . .

Whatever it is, It is fine as long as the 2 people involved (assuming guy n gal)  know of it  & are fine with it.

In the end, it is them who have a promise to keep for a lifetime

Autographs . . .

Saying "goodbye" is something which i never did

I'm not talking about the Everyday Bye,  But the ones said on 

• On the last day of school
• On the last day of college

I am in contact with a few special Long Time Pals . . . . , even got back to a few

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   

I just never wanted to let go of my people, 

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   

I was freeing up some space (read throwing out some junk)  to move around in my room, while i did a little bit of study . . .

Came across

A collection of Autographs from the 70's  . belonging to my mom

It had me in tears  :-)

Chalo,

Need to get back to my books and meanwhile give mom's memories back to her .

Edited to add  :

I Choose to keep my friends with me . . .

I will make snapshots, and even collect some snapshots with/from people I meet along the road of my life.  (snapshots = Autographs or Anything which brings back memories)

For those who did not know :

I almost never took Autographs ...

I remember buying a Autograph book, but do not remember using it

I Let go of my Possessiveness 

Parental Advice

Some Advice to me from my parents . . . . .

(not so long ago . . .)

Dad :  Don't mix with girls, you will become shy like them . . .

(dad's Gyan to me, to stay away from my cousin sister(s) / girls ...)

(Long Long Long   ago . . . . . . . .)

Mom :  Phone ide ninge   (There's a call for u)

Me    :   Yarru ??  (Who??)

Mom :  Yavudo Chikka "Hudgi" . . .   (some very small/kid "Girl")

Me    :  , ....   ....   ....  HEY Rekha adu ....   ( My elder cousin sisters [mom's bro's daughter] had given the phone to their younger sibling ... knowing my mom better )

Meanwhile in my head (Bloody, you know all the girls much better than me ...   ....  ...   .... )

PS  : I hardly used to speak to anyone, except one cousin of mine . . . and moreover  mom would have spoken more in one conversation, than i would have done in all my school life ...

Mom  :  Look at Su*****h ,  look how free/open he is with everyone ... talk about studies ... bla bla bla

Me (in my mind)  :   HELLO !!!

Sometime Back  . . .

Mom   :  "Girl"

Me      :   SO !

Me (in my mind)  :  think think .... I know you are struggling where to start a conversation with this guy

@ Present

Mom :  She knows the kind of friends I have (do tell her about little little things .....  She does remember quite a lot what I have told her in the past .....   She is now slowly getting introduced to all the little characters,,,  earlier known as "friends" in all my narrations )

Dad   :   Who is this guy??   always stuck with friends friends friends!!!!

 

The Walk

It all started a little over a year back  . . . A walk at Lalbag

3 Buddies still kept it going . . . once in a while

Something which should have been routine, was still special . . .

A nice little break "From Life" ???

I don't think so . . . .

It was just like a cup of "Coffee"

Which just had each one of us refreshed

and I relived memories of morning from a year ago . . .

Healings . . .

First I request you to read 

   (1)  this    and   (2) this

Slightly Unrelated, but do have a look at  (3)   this

(did not fine a place to rant @ a few accquiantces of mine,  who tried his luck somewhere....     

To HIM/THEM :    If you are so DESPERATE,  get a clue where you should be trying your luck )

There are quite a few links if you go through (1) . . . one link to another to another

One pattern repeating ever and over and over...

A sense of Negativity (shame, guilt, horror, fear,  . . . . the list goes on)

There are several areas I know something can be done.

The most important fact i noticed :-

Years and Years after a Incident, I see suffering . . .

My dear Bloggers, (non Bloggers too)

Why do you have to Suffer for no fault of yours . . .

Memories stay,

Why dont you just leave behind the Stigma, Pain, Sufferings . . . .

Easier Said than Done . . . .

Btw i'll share my small tiny story . . . .

I was Blackmailed, hmmm!!! at least for 2 years

some random guy from school . . . . asked me if I Loved my parents, teachers . . . .

Of course YES!! I do

So, next couple of years went by like this :-

i'll go tell the Principal that you Love ......  ,  she will throw you out of school 

i'll go tell your mom that you Love . . . . . , She will throw you out of your house . . .

Silly i know, But i was really freaked out

btw this started during my 4th - 5th Standard....

This guy was not my senior,  But same as standard/grade as mine, who lived near my Home . . .

So not just torture in the School Van, but during vacations, holidays also . . .

And Today in my mid 20's (eeek!!! i'm getting older)

I am learning What Relationships are . . .  And the most Basic ones

Friendships, Trust ... etc

And i'm Damn Bloody Confused . . .  (actually much much better compared to last week, he he he)

A BIG HUG , and a thanks from the bottom of my heart to a very Patient, Nice, Forgiving, Trusting, Loving friend of mine . . . . 

A Sorry to a Friend, to whom I had become a Pain in the A** with my nonsense . . .

BACK TO THE POST . . . .

So i set about thinking of Probable "solutions" "way out's" to end all the sufferings involved . . .

I set about thinking of solutions like "Forgiveness",  "Making them pay" etc etc  . . . .

I am currently trying out :-

"Acceptance"       "Self Acceptance"

A Little Clue for my School Mates :-

This person used to stick his finger in his Butt and present it other Noses  . . .

I "TOOK CARE" of a Voyeur /Peeping Tom

I just ignored a incident with a 80 -85 year old gay man, I meet on the street  . . .

And in a way , this Blackmailer, did leave me Stronger in a way . . .

So What was I saying . . .

"Acceptance"    "Self Acceptance"

Whatever Happened to you, Happened. . . 

You are still the same Person , accept yourself. . . .

There is a Part of me that I find Disgusting . . . .

A relative/person I cannot AVOID . . . Is disgusting

Has done things like throwing condoms into the bathroom where someone is having a bath . . .

Finally married her, but did so by Printing and distributing Wedding Cards, without permission . . .

Caught him flashing to the House maid. . . 

*** : Don't expect me to believe you saying " I'm Impotent " 

His wife has found a Diary where he has a journal of his "Deeds" . . .

Most of the above secrets . . . Is in no way comforting . . .

I am a Mess Who (now) has a little clue as to what Life is, what relationships are, what love is, what are the forms of love . . . 

The "Ethics" Part . . . .

The relative of mine.... will stay in close proximity till his death . . .

How can I ever Conciously get anyone into the Mess surrounding my life . . . .

Do you find ..... That I have to  " Accept Myself, The way I am "

TO have any Possibilty for Myself in this Life . . .

Passive Life.

Was there ever a time when you missed/lacked a few emotions in life.

Do you have that strange calmness, when you should have been upset/angry/depressed.

I\we Love being happy, full of energy, having thing go the way we want to. But the obvious lives we have, is it anywhere close to how we want it to be.

Do we really know "just exactly" life should have been for us to be Bindass, Bubbly, Happy, Carefree, Funny 24x7 ??

Well,

this strange state/phase I have been through   ( or am i still in ? )

What is it ?

Is it Alright ?

It's Kinda strange,

I am numb (this Bloody life ***  *** *** ***, I am strong , I can take on MORE )

Just who the hell are you trying to be . . . .

================================================================

I noticed myself "AVOIDING".

Avoiding,

Future, Possibilities, Risk, Fear, Pain . . . .

=================================================================

Ok Ok Ok!!   just enough to get the thoughts running. Rest of the talk goes to the comments page.

I see RED dots springing up all over the world map on this blog (indicating my beloved readers)

A Happy Diwali to ALL of You :-)

Last but not least, my THANKS to my dear pal, to whom I asked

Me        :   "Do you let go of emotions/anger once in a while ??"

Friend  :   "Don't Know I have become kind of Passive of late"

There  goes "Passive Life", this is how i came up with the title of this post.

Everything in Life

"Making regular blog posts" ... Well do i just keep posting nonsense after nonsense, or something really worth being said.

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Well to be honest i am not in that confusion. He he he

btw, i just wanted a "buildup", to what was coming (rather will be in this Post)

Choice

We have come across this word haven't we. 

Choose, Choice

Now let us get to the "Title" of this post

Everything in Life

Well I do want "Everything in my Life". ya ya I am tooo greedy I agree,

But look at it this way, if not Everything, We all do have "SOMETHING" we really wish we had, or want or . . . . . . . .

Good ! ! !

Just a few ways of  "Analysing"

1. Ok!! I am not Lucky enough to ...
2. Hmm!!! too difficult . . . .
3. Its just Wishful Thinking yaar
4. Bla Bla Bla

Bloody Hell if you can dream about what you want,   Why Can't just YOU CAN JUST TAKE what you dream.

Well at this point, I apologise to people who's LIFE gets a mention here, as i have not taken your permission to make a mention of it in my blog.

I promise to keep your identities anonymous.

• Dear S, You did not "pay up" because you lost the bet. You got those chocolates just because you said you would. It was never a "Yaay!!! i won a bet" for me, I did win, but I saw is something AND I have a lot of Respect for what I saw in you in you that day.     Now M/S, even after years I still have that little bit of "being proper, decent, appropriate" with you.   This thing is not bad, but comes in the way of my commitment towards you...  "M" my Pj's and Dialogues will not decrease, i promise you that... You might have noticed the Increase ;-) already... LoL,         BUT I have that hesitation when it comes to Kicking your ****  when you have given up on something / not starting something.........      M one last Dialogue for u - "You choose to move on,  You can also choose to take people with you when you move on", btw M do I need to tell you which part of my previous statement i want to push into ur head.... (sorry u have to bear with all my Nonsense till Dec 5th, and I really really want to you to come to my last seminar. It means a lot to me)    . . . . . . . . . . (One last Dialogue, just cannot resist this one,   "Nothing in life means an END of everything, unless to decide to make it the END,  For all that you know it could just be the BEGINNING of everything")
• Lo B**** you are perfect the way you are, your mom says you are a little bit "Indecisive", I don't know what the truth is. But dude if you have achieved all that you have till now .........   How much better would it be  if you could be taking actions (choice), all the time, and leave all those "THINKING" behind.

The Landmark Forum, its just puts a brick on the accelerator pedal, for you to cruise ahead in life. What is done there, how why etc etc.....  I can definitely make a Ph.D on it, but of what use if it does not make a impact in your life.

You are perfect the way you are, so don't go get the meaning you are incomplete without the forum. Btw, I did not change one bit, but still feel d difference in how much fun i have now ;) 

Just use these links to dig up a little information (what is it, where is it, stuff like that), and feel free to contact me regarding the Landmark forum, what exactly i got etc etc etc...  btw, this thing is quite "generic" in the sense you can apply it to every goddamn area of your life.

http://www.landmarkforum.com/

http://www.landmarkeducation.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landmark_Education

El Tag

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
   [currently] NOT APPLICABLE
  On a serious thought, i think i may not have a "IMMEDIATE REACTION" , but i will take some "Action".

2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
   This is a Long List... Hmmm right now i would love to get into a wonderful serious relationship.

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
    Whose Birthday is it???

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
    Build a Beach House, Marry, Invest for a steady income, and follow all my hobbies and do little things to make a difference to this world.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
    I Intend to.

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
    I say BOTH.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?
     Wait i will for a while.
     But i will always be there for the one(s) i love.

8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?
   (The ones understanding my ans to Q.7,  will get the answer to Q.7,8 combined)
   I will move on.

9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?
    Empowering everyone to STAND EQUAL.

10. What takes you down the fastest?
    Loneliness

11. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
       Working, Enjoying Life.

12. What’s your fear?
      Not getting the opportunity of being in love

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
      Jhakkas (u should have known this before tagging me, LoL)

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
       I believe i get what i choose. I choose a spouse and a little obscenely big amount of money. 

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
      Listen to music in d loo, brush, bathe, eat .... run

16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?
      The one i choose.
      Btw, high time people get comfortable to the fact that love comes in lots of flavours (Friends, "The Special one, we all are so eager for", parents, brother, sister, teacher, SELF etc etc)

17. Would you give all in a relationship?
       Yes

18. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?
       Forgive  -  Yes
      Forget    -  over a long time, maybe (can't have a good memory and be forgetful at the same time)

19. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?

     I am ready to explore the other side of d fence.

20. tag 6 people.

     Seema, WhenCutDeep, Naveen, Wasa, Kalam, BabaDon